Loving The Right Ways

10 tips to kick holiday stress in the jingle balls

2011-11-27T14:33:00.000-05:00

10 tips to kick holiday stress in the jingle balls

Tips for a good start to married life

2011-11-20T13:56:00.000-05:00

Simplest Tips To Keep In Mind For A Good Start To Married Life

1. Know your future life partner longer than a few weeks! A full year is a reasonable amount of time.

2. Understand that his family will be a part of your life... till death or divorce do you part. Not until you have a disagreement with his/her mother, dislike their behavior, hate their food, can't stand his/her kids, etc.

3. Get a new place for each of you to begin your new life in. Not his or her place, but Your Home.

4. Choose the furnishings, dishes, etc. together.

5. Be sure you had a million discussions about every topic you can think of to know what each of your history, views, likes, dislikes and attitudes are.

6. Go for a Pre-Marriage Preparation course, no matter how much you think you know it all about each other already.

7. Do NOT do the following at your wedding:

http://en.video.canoe.tv/video/bride-texts-at-the-altar/1253311274001

Cheers!

Sharon Shenker, Family Life Coach/Educator
After many years of working with children and their families, running Child's Play, Sharon founded Divorce Support Plus to help couples prevent family breakdowns by reconnecting lovingly (http://www.lovingtherightways.com) or to assist parents through a family reconstruction (not destruction!) by guiding them through and beyond a separation or divorce (http://www.divorcesupportplus.ca). For further information, call her at 514-804-3585 or email her at sharonshenker@gmail.com

Foster parents jailed for sex offences - Crime - Canoe.ca

2011-11-04T12:57:00.000-04:00

Foster parents jailed for sex offences - Crime - Canoe.ca

What say you? Do you think their sentences were appropriate? I don't! I think they should have gotten much more. I also think the regulations and application or qualification testing to be a foster parent must be seriously looked into because it clearly missed the mark on detecting a problem with these people. Why or How the heck did they become foster parents??? Something is really wrong here!!! They got to look like good, upstanding, and concerned individuals to their friends and family when they are actually sick.

Senior Citizens

2011-10-10T13:25:00.000-04:00

At a Senior Citizen's luncheon, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady struck up a conversation and discovered that they both loved to fish.

Since both of them were widowed, they decided to go fishing together the next day.
The gentleman picked the lady up, and they headed to the river to his fishing boat and started out on their adventure.

They were riding down the river when there was a fork in the river, and the gentleman asked the lady, 'Do you want to go up or down?'

All of a sudden the lady stripped off her shirt and pants and made mad passionate love to the man right there in the boat!

When they finished, the man couldn't believe what had just happened, but he had just experienced the best sex that he'd had in years.

They fished for a while and continued on down the river, when soon they came upon another fork in the river. He again asked the lady, 'Up or down?'

There she went again, stripped off her clothes, and made wild passionate love to him again.

This really impressed the elderly gentleman, so he asked her to go fishing again the next day!

She said yes and there they were the next day, riding in the boat when they came upon the fork in the river, and the elderly gentleman asked, 'Up or down?'

The woman replied, 'Down.'

A little puzzled and disappointed, the gentleman upon another fork in the river and he asked the lady, 'Up or down?'

She replied, 'Up.'

This really confused the gentleman so he asked,

'What's the deal?

Yesterday, every time I asked you if you wanted to go up or down you made mad passionate love to me.

Now today, nothing!'

She replied, 'well, yesterday I wasn't wearing my hearing aid and I thought the choices were hump or drown’.

Some days being single at my age (56) can be pretty lonely, maybe I should start pretending that I'm hard of hearing!!

Lasting Love

2011-09-30T15:22:00.000-04:00

Check out Lasting Love tips from Katie and Kay Hendricks, a couple of tops experts in my opinion!
The link is: http://lastinglove.kajabi.com/squeeze_pages/7121-video-1

Sharon Shenker, Family Life Coach
sharonshenker@gmail.com
514-804-3585

Family Wellness Special

2011-08-29T15:30:00.000-04:00

Announcement:

My Family Wellness Special is turning back the clock for individuals, couples or families who want my specializied help to stay together, reconstruct without destruction, or to reconnect after an absence....

My goal has always been to help other families stay intact, healthier and happier than their own life skills and strategies were able to create for themselves.

Now, after years after knowing and saying that I would not have been able to afford my own rates, to receive the help my family needed, I am dropping my fees to enable more families to benefit from my specialized services. So... my rate is back down to only $60. an hour (plus $1. a minute for any telephone, skype or face-to-face time above the one hour a week. This offer is only available to those who work with me for a minimum of one hour a week.)

Contact me for more information or to set up an appointment at sharonshenker@gmail.com or my direct cell phone line at 514-804-3585

Appointments are available week days, evenings and weekends.

Disabled senior left without wheelchair funding - Canada - Canoe.ca

2011-08-15T16:21:00.000-04:00

As a 50+ person, living with chronic pain from disabling health issues, I find this and many other stories I am hearing about how Canadian born seniors are being treated by our governement. Why are new immigrants receiving more assistance than those who are second or third generation Canadians? It makes no sense whatsoever to me. I sure hope, as with the man in this article, that one of my daughters, neices or nephews will be there to speak up for and help me if and when the time comes!

Disabled senior left without wheelchair funding - Canada - Canoe.ca

Sharon Shenker, Family Life Coach
www.lovingtherightways.com and www.divorcesupportplus.caphone: 514.804.3585 or email Sharon directly at sharonshenker@gmail.com

CANOE - Lifewise Sex Files: Can 'friends with benefits' work?

2011-07-26T14:31:00.000-04:00

CANOE - Lifewise Sex Files: Can 'friends with benefits' work?

Sharon Shenker, Family Life Coach
http://www.lovingtherightways.com
http://www.divorcesupportplus.ca
514-804-3585 or sharonshenker@gmail.com

Love letter delivered 53 years late - World - Canoe.ca

2011-07-15T12:19:00.000-04:00

Love letter delivered 53 years late - World - Canoe.ca

Sharon Shenker, Relationship Coach
For information, phone: 514.804.3585 or email Sharon directly at sharonshenker@gmail.com

2011-06-07T10:05:00.000-04:00

A child asks, "Who do I pick?!"

I received an email last week that read as follows:

Question:

From what I understand, you attended the conference on parental alienation last weekend. As a ‘Target Parent’, I wish I could have made it! However, in your article, you stated that you were ‘trained in differentiating parental alienation and estrangement’. Can you share any of the criteria to look for when making such a differentiation? How does one tell the difference?

I’m hoping you can post this important information on your website. You also stated in your article that ‘Tomorrow, I`ll tell you more about the conference and all the speakers’. I am really looking forward to reading everything you have to say about it.

Thanks a million for taking the time to read my e-mail. Anything you can do to spread awareness and education about this issue might help save my family from indescribable pain.

Answer:

I am going to answer in a 4-part series because I believe this issue deserves our full awareness, attention, education and understanding.

In Part One, I will be discussing the behaviors quite often seen in high-conflict divorce situations which was referred to by one of the experts at the Canadian Symposium for Parental Alienation Syndrome, Dr. Terence Campbell, as ‘Mild to Moderate Alienation.”

Part Two will begin with an explanation of the difference between PAS and Estrangement, and then point out some of the behaviors of both the “Alienating Parent” and the “Alienated Child” and offer some tips on what you can do if your child is being alienated.

Part Three will offer tips more specific to how a teacher, friend of the family, clergyman, and counselor or coach without professional training in dealing with PAS can do.

Part Four will provide information on the speakers at the Canadian Symposium for Parental Alienation Syndrome and offer a list of all of books and websites for further information.

But, before I even begin, I want to make my view very clear.
My belief is that Parental Alienation Syndrome, or PAS, is both a very serious infringement on a child’s right to having a relationship with each of their parents, and it should be seen, understood and classified as a form of child abuse and/or mental illness (in the DSM-5). Since my own high-conflict divorce, in 1982-4, I have believed that even mild to moderate parental alienation is child abuse, yet a form of abuse that even many professionals do not fully understand and/or know what to do to stop it from progressing into full-blown PAS. Having personally seen the harmful effects it has had on hundreds of innocent children, my own and those that I have spoken/worked with over the years, I continue to be vigilant in helping couples to work on “a family reconstruction without destruction!” I know from work experience that many mild-to-moderate cases can be prevented from turning into severe levels of PAS if caught and properly dealt with soon enough.

“Just as early detection of cancer can save lives,
Early detection of PAS can save families.” Dr. Terence Campbell - - and me!

Please come back to read this important series, hopefully beginning tomorrow!

Sharon Shenker, Marriage & Family Coach
After many years of already working with children and their families, in 1999 Sharon founded Divorce Support Plus to help couples prevent family breakdowns or to assist them through and beyond a family reconstruction - without destruction!

For further information,
www.divorcesupportplus.ca
phone: 514.804.3585,
skype: sharon.shenker
email: sharonshenker@gmail.com

Kids for sale on Kijiji

2011-06-04T23:25:00.000-04:00

Sibling rivalry gone very, very bad?

My first thought upon reading this headline and article was that he was trying to scare his kid siblings into listening to him, or else. But, it might have been meant for his 'friends' since the article does not say he was angry at his siblings or playing a joke on them while babysitting. I thought it was worth sharing - - as a warning of yet another way the younger generation can be getting themselves into trouble with cell phones, the internet, facebook, twitter, youtube and now kijiji.

The internet has made so much information available to us, but it certainly is getting a lot of kids in trouble

Kids offered for sale on Kijiji

Kids offered for sale on Kijiji - Weird News - Canoe.ca

Sharon Shenker, Family Life Coach
http://www.divorcesupportplus.ca
sharonshenker@gmail.com
514-804-3585

Dating in Your 50's

2011-06-02T15:54:00.000-04:00

Are their rules for age differences for dating Men and dating Women?

Have you seen Alec Baldwin lately?

He's not looking quite as good as he used to... but how many of us are?

I thought I would chat a bit about age differences for dating couples and see what some of our views are on the subject.

Baldwin was quoted last year as saying: “What’s worse than waking up with a 25-year-old woman, you know what I mean? You’ll want to go shoot yourself because you don’t have anything to say to her. Seriously. It’s sad but there are men who go for whatever their earliest ideal of a sexual partner was… meaning men often lock into similar to the first girl they loved at 18. They get stuck in an idea of sexuality with young women. Other men learn to see beyond all that.”

Yet, now at 53, it's reported that he's dating a 28-year old dancer/yoga instructor. Sean Penn, 50 is dating someone much younger, as well. There are, have always been, and I am sure will always be both men and women who chose a person to date that will get the interest of others for any of various reasons.

I have spoken to one of my daughters, who is 30 years old, and she think it's not just awful but rather gross when men in their 50's come on to her. I have been out with her when it happened - seriously. I thought the man was coming over to introduce himself to me, but no, he made a pass at my daughter. Well!

But, I'm thinking... what the heck. Maybe it's time to accept those contacts I keep getting on facebook from guys in their 40's (and even 30's) who keep saying they want to meet me. If I did it like Alec Baldwin, which of us would have to be the dancer? The young guy or me? (I am losing weight, but I'm not quite a yoga instructor yet... but, maybe I could date one and get thin faster.)

If we were to all agree, as a society, that there is absolutely nothing wrong with older men or women dating someone much younger than themselves… would we set an age limit on that perspective? I think there needs to be one. Otherwise, we will continue to have more school teachers in their 30's or 40's falling in love with their 16 year old students; and men in their 50's wanting to marry thirteen year old girls. Uh, wait a minute, don't we have another word for those relationships?

Honestly, I don't think it's anyone's business who someone else is dating as long as both parties are of legal age. I mean, if I (56) began dating a guy in his 40's who was interested in me... would that be considered a taboo thing for me/us to do or would people want to 'slap me five' or some other signal, meaning that I did well.

What do you think? If loving is about two people feeling strongly for each other, with a good connection, respect and understanding for each other... what ages do you think Alec and I should be looking at for suitable dating partners? I don't plan on saying anything to Alec, but let me know what aged guy you think I should be with so I can go find him.

Sharon Shenker, Family Life Coach
http://www.divorcesupportplus.ca
514-804-3585

Together, For The Kids

2011-05-27T18:07:00.001-04:00

Together FOREVER, For The Kids

Is this what you think you and your partner will look like when the kids are grown?

They look pretty miserable to me...

Don't believe that you only have 2 choices:
- staying together MISERABLY for the kids, or
- getting divorced.

Contact me to receive your own copy of one (or both) of my calendars filled with daily activities for you and your partner to do to improve/save your marriage.

"BEFORE YOU DIVORCE, Try This"

"28 Days to Make Your Relationship Sizzle"

If you are not able to do some, most, or even any of them, don't give up, especially if you have kids!!

Just call for some professional help. You might be surprised!

I am still amazed with how many marriages I have saved from the brink of divorce.

Sharon Shenker, Family Life Coach, http://www.divorcesupportplus.ca
For further information, phone 514-804-3585 or email me at sharonshenker@gmail.com

Win an amazing trip to Prince Edward Island - HomePage - Canadian Living

2011-05-26T17:50:00.001-04:00

Summer Vacation

Have you been planning your summer vacation?
Most people have. In fact, most people spend way more time planning their summer or winter vacation, their honeymoon, and their wedding than they do their actual marriage. Did you spend time talking with your partner about what your daily life would be like when married? Did you discuss how often you would see each others' parents or siblings? Was it established which one of you was responsible for paying bills? Who was assigned the job of cooking dinners, and weekend breakfasts? Did you talk about parenting styles? What was the plan for how much time each of you was going to spend with thier friends, on their own, without you? Were there any restrictions on who one or both of you could get together with, or where you could and could not go?

Well, if you did not do any of those things, and you are still in a long-term relationship, now is the time to start.

If you are single and dating, get cracking!!

Those of you who are divorced, take some time to think over whether or not you had discussed what I call the Big 3 R's : Roles, Rules and Regulations. If you did not establish these, trouble was sure to be a comin'.

For now... take a breather and try to win the following amazing vacation:

I entered also... hopefully one of us will win!

Here's the link to sign up to win an amazing trip to Prince Edward from Canadian Living!

Win an amazing trip to Prince Edward Island - HomePage - Canadian Living

GOOD LUCK!!

Sharon Shenker, Family, Life & Relationships Coach
For further information, phone: 514.804.3585 or email Sharon directly at sharonshenker@gmail.com

Summer Vacation Time

2011-05-26T17:50:00.000-04:00

Summer Vacation

Have you been planning your summer vacation?
Most people have. In fact, most people spend way more time planning their summer or winter vacation, their honeymoon, and their wedding than they do their actual marriage. Did you spend time talking with your partner about what your daily life would be like when married? Did you discuss how often you would see each others' parents or siblings? Was it established which one of you was responsible for paying bills? Who was assigned the job of cooking dinners, and weekend breakfasts? Did you talk about parenting styles? What was the plan for how much time each of you was going to spend with thier friends, on their own, without you? Were there any restrictions on who one or both of you could get together with, or where you could and could not go?

Well, if you did not do any of those things, and you are still in a long-term relationship, now is the time to start.

If you are single and dating, get cracking!!

Those of you who are divorced, take some time to think over whether or not you had discussed what I call the Big 3 R's : Roles, Rules and Regulations. If you did not establish these, trouble was sure to be a comin'.

For now... take a breather and try to win the following amazing vacation:

I entered also... hopefully one of us will win!

Here's the link to sign up to win an amazing trip to Prince Edward from Canadian Living!

GOOD LUCK!!

Sharon Shenker, Family, Life & Relationships Coach
For further information, phone: 514.804.3585 or email Sharon directly at sharonshenker@gmail.com

Marriages Are Not Safe From Infidelity

2011-05-14T17:43:00.000-04:00

Week after week the news announces stories of the latest famous couple to be splitting up, often because of infidelity. And, although you might not be part of a famous couple, your marriage might not be safe either.

So many people take their marriage vows and throw them out the window, down the drain, or wherever with or without whatever expression you can think of to say that they ignore them.

Why they cheated does not usually jump out as a clear and simple answer to their often heart-broken, shocked and confused partner. For many, the betrayal is so painful that it can never be forgiven. Yet, more and more people are becoming cheaters. At least that's how it feels in my practice. It's as if everyone is going along with the old commercial ad that went something like "if you can't beat them, join them." Seriously, it's not just the dirty old man that all the women avoid or the promiscuous-looking/dressing woman, who cheats. It is the sweetest, nicest, most devoted and dedicated parents, too. It might also be a couple of the teachers at your child's school, in the school, during school hours! (read the article below)

Unfortunately, the signs that a marriage is in trouble often get missed until the discovery of the infidelity. I still think of Sandra Bullock's acceptance speech where she thanked her husband for being the only person in her life who ever truly had her back... just a couple weeks before she discovered that he had been cheating on her - for ages.

So, what about your marriage? Do you feel safe from a discovery that will shatter your trust, break your heart, and leave you dismayed? Here are a few signs that your partner may be cheating. Listen not just to their words, but with your eyes!

Some signs that your partner MIGHT be cheating:
- s/he is suddenly worried about their weight, clothes, hair
- finds spare time for friends, the internet, gym, etc., but not you
- complains about not feeling appreciated
- says s/he still loves you but is not 'in love' with you anymore
- you have sex way less often than you used to, even though you want it
- some/most of their friends or co-workers have cheated
- you have been receiving gifts for no reason lately

Here's a recent news article:
Teachers caught in the act in school classroom - Weird News - Canoe.ca

Suddenly a mother of five - Canada - Canoe.ca

2011-05-08T12:43:00.000-04:00

Wishing all my fellow Mothers and Grandmothers a very Happy Mother's Day!

And hoping that we all become the best mothers and grandmothers we can be so that we will always be thought of and remembered with love because of how loving we were to our special people.

Suddenly a mother of five - Canada - Canoe.ca

Married Moms Cheating

2011-05-07T02:11:00.000-04:00

Cheater, cheater, pumpkin eater.

Who do you think the big cheaters are these days?

Here's a link to an article that prompted me to write this little blog about cheating spouses.
Is called: Married Moms Big On Cheating, poll finds. Read it and come back here...

Married moms big on cheating, poll finds - Canada - Canoe.ca

It's sad to say, but in the twelve years that I have been working with couples, the greater majority of cheating spouses in the last few years has been the women.

I have found more of the situations on the part of the men to have been a bit more colorful, or even outrageous. For example: having sex with and going dancing with lots of prostitutes when working out of town (most of the year); actually having children and full-blown separate lives with other women; being lovers and not actually best friends with the woman from church choir that he went on a vacation with (to help her get over her divorce) and having his unsuspecting wife drive them to and from the airport; having homosexual relations that he was keeping secret from his wife and everyone else he knew; paying women from another race to be with him because of a fetish; etc., etc.

Whereas the majority of my female clients who were cheaters claimed to have simply fallen 'in love' with someone else. Most of their new lovers were men they had met at work or through friends, and one was in love with her husband's best friend whom was hanging out at their house most evenings with the husband entertaining his wife and lover.

More and more people, both men and women are also finding romance with past or new love interests online, especially those using facebook. I myself, have been contacted by so many married men who 'just want to chat' and don't see anything wrong with talking to single women instead of going into the other room to be with their wife. Well, those that contact me are very quickly told that they made contact with the wrong woman because I have no intention of being the cause of any marital split, or even problem.

What the article above did not say, is who are the women having these affairs with? Married or single men? I wonder why we were not informed of that bit of information...

Any ideas? How about sharing your opinion... or experience.

Why Do Some Guys Like That?

2011-04-29T17:11:00.000-04:00

Would your guy like to be fed by you?

Would he enjoy it in public or want to do it in private?

Do you consider it to be too sensual to be done in public?

Gary Neuman, creator of the Sandcastle's Way program for children of divorce... which came out around the same time as my workbook, My Family Has Two Houses (!!) wrote on facebook that he was asked to comment, in Cosmo magazine, about a photo of Carmerian Diaz feeding popcorn to A-rod at the Superbowl. What he was asked, was: Why guys would like that?

You can read more about the incident and see a video shot of it by going to:
http://www.popeater.com/2011/02/06/cameron-diaz-feeds-alex-rodriguez/

So I'm asking you, what are your thoughts as to why guys would like that?
As well as, would you do it in public or consider it private? Is popcorn okay, but not strawberries????

Leave me your comments.

Belly Dacing to Fitness

2011-04-29T14:27:00.000-04:00

I was online looking for a fun exercise class to join, to get for summer, and I found this article. As you'll see at the end, tips are already included, so I have nothing to add except that I am certainly getting a belly dancing video to do in the privacy of my own home for now... then I'll join a class! Hope to see you there.
Here's the article:

Belly dance boost

Dancing her way to fitness — and fame

By Lisa Kadane, Postmedia News March 15, 2011 Comments (3)

Engaging core muscles through belly shimmies and tummy rolls, belly dancing provides a great ab workout.

Photograph by: Lorraine Hjalte, Calgary Herald

She can’t yet "flip a dime" with her abdominal muscles, but that small detail doesn’t bother Emily Ann Marasco. The University of Calgary computer engineering student is proud to be able to say she has abs after belly dancing her way to fitness.

The experience so transformed Marasco, who describes belly dancing as a "mood booster" with fitness benefits, the self-described athletically challenged academic decided to write about it and submit it for possible inclusion in a fitness-themed Chicken Soup for the Soul.

Marasco’s story, Arabian Abs, appears in the Off the Beaten Path section of Chicken Soup for the Soul: Shaping the New You, which came out in December.

Perhaps transformation is too strong a word. It’s not like the 21-year-old shed a bunch of weight by swivelling her hips to the hypnotic strains of Middle-Eastern music. In fact, when Marasco, then a first-year university student, enrolled in a beginner belly dancing class with her sister Kaitlin four years ago, weight loss wasn’t her goal.

"My goal was mostly not to gain more weight," says Marasco. (At the time, she had discovered that Kit Kat bars soothed her nerves during exams her first semester.)
Belly dancing sounded appealing; it’s a low-impact exercise and Marasco loved music. Her main concern was whether she’d be coordinated enough to master the moves.
"I used to have such a hard time with hip-hop in musical theatre," says the music minor, who stuck to the back of that class in high school.

"(My body) just didn’t move the way I wanted it to."

But belly dancing came naturally and after the first class Marasco and her sister were hooked. After several months of engaging core muscles by executing arabesques, belly shimmies, hip gyrations and tummy rolls, Marasco re-discovered her abs. The best surprise, however, was realizing that belly dancing had given her more body confidence.

"I like that it makes me feel pretty," says Marasco, who, with her easy smile and dark brown eyes and hair, is unquestionably pretty.

"I feel graceful. I feel good about myself as I’m doing it."

Still, the native Calgarian doesn’t see herself as a role model or inspiration for other young women.

"I see myself more as someone who’s not afraid to admit they belly dance," she says with a laugh, going on to explain the art is misunderstood and carries somewhat of a stigma.

After Marasco finishes her computer engineering degree in May she plans to pursue a master’s degree in electrical engineering. She’d also like to write a book, a young adult fantasy novel.

Next up for Marasco, fitness-wise? She’ll continue belly dancing one night a week at the Calgary Winter Club.

She’s tried ballroom dancing and salsa, and recently signed up for a Ripped! exercise class.

lkadane@calgaryherald.com
---

Emily Ann Marasco’s get-fit tips

- If you’re unhappy with your body or fitness level, it doesn’t have to be that way. Change is possible; just put your mind to it.

- Don’t be so hard on yourself. If you try a fitness class and don’t like it or aren’t good at it, try something else.

- You have to like the fitness regime to stick with it. "Find an activity that you’re actually going to enjoy. If you hate running, don’t pick running." Dance-related fitness classes are fun because you forget you’re actually getting a workout.

- We’re all "comrades in fitness." Being at the gym is not a competition — everyone there is trying to be healthier, not eyeing you up for your lack of fitness.

© Copyright (c) The Calgary Herald

Read more: http://www.calgaryherald.com/health/Belly+dance+boost/4444097/story.html#ixzz1KwAyXibJ

http://lifewise.canoe.ca/SexRomance/SexFiles/2011/04/27/18073331.html

2011-04-29T10:22:00.000-04:00

Some fun tips I found online and thought to share.

http://lifewise.canoe.ca/SexRomance/SexFiles/2011/04/27/18073331.html

Loving you partner the right way - for them - often requires a little trial and error because so many people don't even know what they like. Unfortunately, the greater percentage of the population learns what they like by chocking up what they did not like from past experiences. So, keep trying to get on the good side of that list... and remember what everything was on both of your partner's lists. And, one last point, don't forget to have fun while you're doing this homework!

How to Ask Out a Girl

2011-04-29T10:09:00.000-04:00

Love, Love, Love - - How Are You Going to Show it?

How to Ask Out a Girl

Now... how is going to follow-up on that?

So many people complain that their partner doesn't make them feel loved. Maybe like this guy, the grand gestures of love came before the marriage, and years later people run out of ideas - - or maybe they don't realize that to keep the love sparks going you have to keep doing things to get your partner to fall in love with You, over and over again.

Please share with everyone - what are some of the things that your partner has done to make you get that lovin' feelin'?
Or, what have you done to make them fall in love with you all over again?

Teen fakes pregnancy for school project - Weird News - Canoe.ca

2011-04-23T13:43:00.000-04:00

What an interesting assignment this young teen chose to do. I hope to locate her findings after completion.
Check it out:
Teen fakes pregnancy for school project - Weird News - Canoe.ca

Sharon Shenker, Family Life Coach
http://www.divorcesupportplus.ca
For further information, phone 514-804-3585 or email her directly at sharonshenker@gmail.com

Keeping a Secret

2011-04-13T14:00:00.000-04:00

Today's Topic: Keeping a Secret

If you are keeping a secret from your significant other, it is usually because you don't want to face a certain responsibility in your relationship, and this can create big problems.

Withholding facts or information that your partner needs to know (for their decision making) is harmful manipulation. Some of the secrets that can hurt your relationship are ones concerning job problems, seeing family or friends secretly, lying about how you spend money, and having an affair.

When we accept a partnership with someone, whether we have committed in marriage, or are intimately involved, keeping secrets is not healthy for the relationship and can lead to poor health to the individual as well from the stress.

Dishonesty, lying, and betrayal are all words relating to not being forthright with information. I believe 'honesty is the best policy.' It's also a whole lot easier than both keeping track of our lies and having to deal with the repercussions of our lie being discovered.

Kiss Me Like This

2011-04-11T18:17:00.000-04:00

Have you ever been kissed and thought to yourself, "Oh, why did he (or she) do it that way?" or "Oh my goodness, why did s/he give me tongue in front of everyone?"

I was talking with someone no names mentioned!) who has complained to me about her husband not being romantic enough towards her. And, the other day, she told me something that really surprised me. She said that when her husband showed up to join her at a sports event for one of their kids he had to sit in the seat above her... and, after he said 'hi' to her he bent down to kiss her on the lips. I was thinking, "how sweet" as she went on to tell me that it was so uncomfortable for her because she had been talking to the woman beside her when he did that.

So, I questioned her as to what had made her so uncomfortable. Was the woman recently divorced and depressed or angry at men, or was she single and talking about how sad and lonely she was that no one was in her life and she was feeling so hopeless about ever finding love again? What was so wrong with her husband giving her a quick kiss? Did she not like public displays of affection?

She surprised me by saying that if she gets a kiss on her lips, she wants it to be at a time and place where/when it can be long and slow. She told him that next time he should kiss her on the head or cheek at such times and save the lip kisses for at home, in private.

So, I am wondering...
How do you feel about kissing?
Do you have rules about when, where and how you are to be kissed?
Have you ever told someone to "kiss me like this"... and not like that?
Or, has anyone said it to you?

Sharon Shenker, Family Life Coach
For further information, call 514-804-3585 or send emails to sharonshenker@gmail.com

We All Get Upset Some Times

2011-04-06T10:26:00.000-04:00

Have you ever noticed that some people get upset way more often than others do? There is a name for the people who make a big deal of things a lot, who tend to overreact to seemingly minor incidents to others. They are referred to 'drama queens or kinds' and they usually have rather demanding and overbearing personalities, who seem to own 'emotion control' key pads with only two settings: zero and ten. Psychologists might describe a drama queen or king as a neurotic personality with histrionic tendencies, meaning they tend to become needlessly dramatic whenever order in their life is, or seems to be, being disrupted.

We all get upset at times. The why, who, and what we are upset about is sometimes pretty ordinary and other times quite unique. The frequency of our upsets as well as what actually upsets us, and how often, can make a big difference.

Most of us are not, or do not, see ourselves as members of the 'drama queens' or 'drama kings' club... but some people simply do not know whether or not they actually are though of in that way. So, you can take the risk and ask someone who knows you well what they think - but be prepared for the answer. And, or you can share some of what upsets you in a comment here. And, don't forget to read what others have to say, then we can chat a bit about the results. Plus, you can always phone or email me to discuss it further.

So.... what upsets you?

twin baby boys have a conversation - part 2

2011-03-29T22:03:00.000-04:00

Ever Wonder What Babies Are Saying?

Here's your chance to try to decipher what a couple of baby twin boys are saying to each other that has them totally engrossed in conversation. Yes, conversation. You have to see it to believe it! It's a riot.

Twin baby boys have a conversation:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_JmA2ClUvUY

Gotta Be Somebody

2011-03-25T15:41:00.000-04:00

There's Gotta Be Somebody For ME!

Isn't that something that all singles say at some point? I have never met anyone who honestly did not want to find a partner in life, unless they were so hurt or angry that they just weren't ready for taking the risk of a new relationship and they were covering up their pain by saying they did not want someone to love.

Someone to love, doesn't that sound good? I've been single again for a few years and I sure would like to find my new, and hopefully final, someone special to love and be loved by in the right ways. After all, I help other couples learn how to improve their relationships and love each other the right way for their relationship to last because they each truly want to stay with the other person.

I recently spoke with someone who told me about this song and I thought it was appropriate to share with anyone else who is single that might be coming here to read what I have to say. So, I say... listen to this song. Really listen closely to the words.

I've written them out and plan to incorporate them into a tapping script and even redo my relationship vision board because, you know what... it's spring, and I certainly intend to find my special somebody real soon.

So, listen to the song and work on visualizing your someone coming into your life, too!

Good luck & don't forget to be loving to yourself until (and after) you meet him/her!

I tried to include the link to the song, but it doesn't seem to have worked, so just do a search for "Gotta Be Somebody by Nickleback."

Sharon Shenker, Family Life Coach

Children See. Children Do.

2011-03-08T22:01:00.000-05:00

I just saw this video and had to share it. Please check it out and we can chat about it after. Here's the link to it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f4HSgvCBXdg

Teaching Equality to Kids

2011-03-07T15:42:00.000-05:00

Teaching Equality to Kids

I have including below, the article I read that prompted this blog. Quite coincidentally, I also just recently saw the movie `the Experiment` although I have known about it for many years. The movie is about 26 men who are chosen to participate in the roles of guards and prisoners in a psychological study that ultimately spirals out of control. It is based on a true study. And, I certainly felt a similar disappointment with our own human nature in each.

People say that we are superior to animals, but after what happened in the experiment, with adults not seeming to remember that they were just taking part in an experiment, something that was not real, I wonder. And then, we have this curriculum-approved exercise, study, experiment or simulation exercise for school-aged children - what if this becomes confused with reality as well. What if one or two of the kids in this class gets confused and starts to think that they actually are superior to some of the others kids. It seems to me that it could happen so easily.

Think about all the children playing and watching video games with violence towards people. I have never approved of children (or even adults) playing violent video games because I worry that playing them often will lower the player or viewer's threshold and/or view of what is awful, sick, immoral, inappropriate, dangerous, etc. But, that's just my opinion.

Sunday, March-06-11
10-year-old examined, sold at mock slave auction
By QMI Agency
An Ohio elementary school missed the point of a teaching opportunity when it allowed 10-year-old students to feel each other and evaluate each other's worth in a mock slave auction.
According to a report from 10tv, the local television station, the American history class at a Gahanna, Ohio, elementary school was divided up in "masters" and "slaves" to illustrate the inequalities of slavery.
"The masters go to touch people and do all sorts of stuff," 10-year-old Nikko Burton told the television station. "They got to look in your mouth and feel your legs and stuff and see if you're strong and stuff."
Burton's mother complained to the school, who told her that the mock auction is part of the state-approved curriculum.
"He felt degraded, he was hurt and the kids picked on him later," she said.
But while the school has apologize, Nikko hopes for an apology from his teacher.
"It was kind of mean and she should have said sorry."

There are many other ways of teaching equality to children:

- Only allow half the class to use their book while doing a test
- Permit only blond, blue-eyed children the seats in the front
- Give out lollipops but only boys are allowed to chose the color
- Have the girls clean the classroom while the boys read a book

How awful it must have been for the kids to be touched and examined! Will we ever finally learn to be more humane to each other?

Are You Ready to Take Action?

2011-03-01T16:40:00.000-05:00

So many people have things in their minds that they want to do, or decisions they need to make that will make changes in their life... and get stuck. The decision is so hard for them that there is no way they can take any action.

Fear is normal. It's a natural response that is called the 'fight - flight mode' or our 'survival instinct.' Well, perhaps, it used to be more of a survival instinct in the past than it is now. After all, we aren't usually in a situation where we have to decide if we should run fast to get away from a bear or stay and try to fight it away from our picnic basket. Most of us would just run.

But, many of us have a fear of making the wrong choice and looking foolish, being judged, and maybe even regretting it later ourselves. So, we can let the fear freeze us from taking action - in place of the flight part, we flee from making the decision or taking the action.

It can take place in many situations: deciding whether or not to date a certain guy even though you get a funny feeling about him; deciding whether or not to stay in your marriage to a great guy whom you have lost that loving feeling for; writing that book you've been wanting to do; going back to university; or losing weight.

How can we get past this fear and move forward? The first step is becoming aware of what it is we want. Then, we have to actually accept that it is fear that is stopping us, not actually a million other responsibilities that keep putting the action off. And then, I highly recommend doing some tapping to acknowledge what you want, tap on your 'action readiness', tap on releasing the fear, tap to reframe by acknowledging the physical feelings you get (to release them as well), and then you can add in another, "Just Start, Don't Think" tapping that Mary Ayers teaches in her "From Zero To Hero: Using Tapping to Fly into Action" tapping session in the Tapping World Summit. Here's the link to catch Mary leading it:

The Green Room - 2011 Tapping World Summit

If you want to learn more about tapping, and work on some of your own issues, just give me a call to set up an appointment face-to-face in Montreal or using skype from anywhere int he world.

Sharon Shenker, Family Life Coach

Faith, Devotion and Undying Love

2011-02-27T21:50:00.000-05:00

I just watched a movie with Richard Gere called “Hachi”, that I can’t imagine anyone watching in a theater. Not because it's a bad movie or not worth the money, but because there is no way anyone would know to bring enough tissues. It had me crying so much!

It’s based on a true story about a man and his found dog, or maybe it’s about a dog and the man he found. I’m not sure, but it is definitely a love story between the two of them. Way better than what we see with most human couples.

I don’t want to give the whole story away, other than to say that this dog truly knew what the word commitment means. He never gave up his love and devotion for his man, even years after he was gone.

I was so interested in the story that I did a little research online about it and found this comment from someone:

“I was watching a segment on morning news here in Japan about this true story – they also interviewed Gere. He talked about how as humans during marriage we just so easily say “i do” to staying together through “better or worse” but yet toss our commitments away and divorce on a whim – he continued on about how any unbroken bond between 2 beings is quite profound.” August 2009

I love these movies of love between man and his best friend. I don’t know, maybe it has to do with having grown up with Lassie, but I cried like crazy while watching Marley & Me, too. There’s no doubt about it, I am a dog lover, even though I happen to be living with my family’s now 19 year-old cat who knows nothing about giving affection!

Love stories are great. I only wish more of them were true stories of real-life couples whose love was so powerful and enduring that it held a magical sense of hope and faith for everyone else to once again believe in marriage. I think there is a great need for teachers of giving and receiving love and commitment after the honeymoon phase is over.

If dreaming, envisioning, visualizing, vision boards and/or manifesting truly work, then maybe, just maybe, one day I will be lucky enough to be living one such love story and will proudly share more insights from the inside of.

In the meantime, I'll continue spending my winter evenings watching love stories and romantic comedies. But, once spring arrives I will leave my home on a daily basis, so that I can be seen and found just like Hachi was!

If you rent the movie, don't forget to have a box of tissues handy.

Wishing you lots of love all around and within you!

Sharon Shenker, Family Life Coach
For information, phone 514-804-3585 or email her at sharonshenker@gmail.com

Understanding Attraction

2011-02-25T17:53:00.000-05:00

What does the word 'attraction' mean to you?

Does it bring up an image of someone that you know and love? Does it make you picture the actor that you consider to be the sexiest man on earth?

Interesting...

A lot of people think more on the line of someone that is either not even real or an actor/singer/athlete that they will probably never be with or even date, but that they connect his physical presence to the word 'attraction' or 'attractive'.

It makes me wonder what is supposed to happen to all the rest of the population that has imperfections, such as a woman who is not as thin as society now says is the image of a perfect body, or the man whose hair has gone and fallen out without his consent.

How do you rate attraction?

Like most people, I get a sense of excitement when I see a man with a certain look. For me, a not too tall man with blue eyes and gray hair, wearing a dark suit certainly gets my attention. It used to be a guy with blue eyes, curly hair that I could put my hands through and really nice-fitting jeans, but I'm a bit older now.

So, if I meet a man with brown eyes, brown hair and even no hair who is wearing jeans with or without a sports jacket, he might really interest, attract and even excite me with some great conversation and smiling eyes and some sweet words.

Do you know what I mean? For me, an imperfect man according to my vision of absolutely attractive can become just as, if not even more, attractive to me because he is a living, breathing, talking with me, sensitive man who is showing interest, concern and caring for and about me... so he sort of, flicked the switch and turned on my attraction to him.

For me, 'attraction' includes not just his looks, but also his personality, character, temperament, availability, sensitivity, creativity, sensuality, and his ability to show clear, honest, and affectionate interest in me. I have met (and even dated!) some really good-looking guys who just did not qualify as men whom I could continue feeling an attraction towards... simply because they were hunks. (I mean, maybe I could see them a few times, but, not more than that.) A man that can turn on and keep my feeling of 'attraction' for him makes me feel smart, funny, and attractive even with my extra ## pounds! When I am with him, no matter what either of us looks like, I feel certain that I can be totally natural and he will still either adore, like, or accept me, just as I am! Now that's an attraction that no actor I'll never even meet can beat!

What about you? How do you describe what 'attraction' is for you? What qualities or characteristics do your require in another (man or woman) for that electrifying switch of 'attraction' to turn on? And, if you are in a long-term relationship with someone, how do you rate (and describe) the attraction you and your partner feel towards each other? Let me know... let's talk about it.

Sharon Shenker, Family Life Coach
Founder: http://www.lovingtherightways.com and http://www.divorcesupportplus.ca

Getting a Relationship Tune-Up Before the Gasket Blows

2010-11-04T14:51:00.000-04:00

AMY WILLARD CROSS. Globe and Mail, August 23, 2007
http://tgam.ca/B3l (via @globeandmail)

Vancouver couple Grace and Rob recently spent 24 hours improving their relationship.

Their coupledom had not been nicked by infidelity. They weren't fighting so dirty that the bad words wouldn't wash off. They weren't teetering on divorce - indeed, they weren't even married yet.

But it was not as good as it gets for this dating couple, so Rob's friend recommended couples coaching.

"You don't know what kind of baggage you're bringing into a new relationship until you get into one," says Rob.

About to move in together, Grace and Rob (who asked that their real names not be used) are part of a growing trend toward relationship maintenance - often called marriage enhancement or enrichment.

"I learned not only to check myself and communicate in a different way, but I became aware of his feelings," says Grace. "I did a complete 360, and was really ashamed and embarrassed."

Dealing with problems before it's too late is starting to catch on.
Provincial marriage and family therapy associations have started offering free "marriage checkups" with a therapist so couples can assess their relationship's health.

The practice has gained enough traction that in the spring of 2006, the Canadian Forces initiated Basic Relationship Training (BRT) at all of its bases. Many branches of the U.S. military do the same.

"As the profession of marriage and family therapy grew, there was a recognition of the need to do [preventive] stuff," says Annette Dekker, president of the Ontario Association of Marriage and Family Therapists.

Most people are pushed to seek a marriage therapist because they are having big problems. Typically, according to Ms. Dekker, couples wait six years to call a therapist after realizing that their "us" is not perfectly healthy.

Meanwhile, animosity and bitterness build up like hard-water scale on pipes. "Often, by that time, it's too late," says Ms. Dekker.

But among therapists and counsellors who advertise enrichment or enhancement, some estimate that 10 to 15 per cent of clients come to improve a relationship that does not seem problematic.

Couples are also attending classes, programs and retreats such as Getting the Love You Want, the Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program (PREP) or the Practical Application of Intimate Relationship Skills (PAIRS) course.

The Canadian forces launched relationship training because "we wanted to be very cutting-edge and proactive," says Erika Lefebvre, a psychologist with the program Strengthening the Forces.

Ms. Lefebvre says her program is about building skills, not spill-your-guts counselling.

Even if couples aren't being deployed, she says, "I think anybody could benefit from this - a relationship requires regular maintenance."

Toronto therapist Sonya Gotziaman says relationship training makes sense because "our main role models are our parents and TV and movies, and I don't know which is scarier."

Rob and Grace say counsellor duo Michael and Janice Inch of Vancouver helped them to identify the triggers that make them react, then gave them tools to manage them. "We need to learn not to react," says Rob. "It's reactive behaviour that digs a hole for us."

Montreal's Sharon Shenker says many of her clients are seeking relationship enhancement and are attracted by her use of the Myers-Briggs personality test, which is commonly employed in corporate settings.

Knowing their personality types helps couples learn, understand and manage their differences, Ms. Shenker says.

Couples she has helped through divorce will sometimes return with a new spouse to head off problems before they begin, she adds.

Sometimes, life transitions push couples to get a little fortification.

Leah MacInnes, a Victoria-based marriage and family therapist, has had many clients who are dealing with a second marriage, a baby or an empty nest.

"Life transitions are difficult, and difficult times pull us apart or bring us together," Ms. MacInnes says. Seeing a therapist for preventive sessions can also be a money-saver: it will require fewer appointments and come nowhere near the cost of a divorce, she says.

Ms. MacInnes and her husband got a taste of her own medicine when they sought counselling during a stressful period.

"I'm a therapist, I know how to communicate, but sometimes there are things I can't see," she says. "Having a neutral party there to say 'What did you mean? What's your reaction?' helps to get you out of rut."

Sharon Shenker, founded Divorce Support Plus to help couples prevent family breakdowns by reconnecting lovingly (http://lovingtherightways.blogspot.com) or to assist them through and beyond a divorce (http://www.divorcesupportplus.ca) and (http://divorcesupportplus.blogspot.com). For further information, phone Sharon at 514-804-3585 or email her directly at sharonshenker@gmail.com

Secrets or Transparency

2010-11-01T17:32:00.000-04:00

Let’s say you and your significant other have been together a while now and the honeymoon phase is over.

You have both started spending time with your own friends, without the other, and you have both started participating in the activities that only the one of you enjoys… leaving a whole lot of separate time.

Do you know for sure that you can trust your partner? Can s/he trust you?

With secrets, a relationship is in jeopardy of failing due to the discovery of something one of you cannot accept, like infidelity. I have certainly seen a lot of relationships end because of affairs. Transparency builds trust. From the first date when you are having open conversation, sharing honest information, your trust and transparency builds. You share secrets, you share feelings, and as the dating continues, you even share physical intimacy, which is as transparent as you can get on a physical level.

Consider what happens when a relationship sours. Often, a decline in transparency is the first indicator of trouble. “Where are you going?” “Out.” “Where were you last night?” “With friends.” As transparency declines, trust declines. In family or divorce court, if couples had to dig deep to explain why they are separating, they would often say something simple like, “lack of transparency” or “I don’t trust them anymore” in about 90% of the cases.

Back in the “Father Knows Best” era, with stereotypical roles in the family, partners often trusted blindly… that often lead to some big surprises. Many couples stayed together unhappily or infidelity. I had an older female client about ten years ago who was going through divorce after many years of marriage, with grown children, who was stunned to discover that her husband not only had a lot of hidden money, but a whole secret family. Wow!

Each of us decides for ourselves how much openness, honesty, or ‘transparency’ we need and expect in a long-term relationship. What if your partner resists sharing information you consider to be important? I, for one, would worry if my partner was not willing to share information with me about things I consider to be important, such as: family of origin, past relationships, education, and financial situation. Dishonesty would be a real cause for worry, to me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not insinuating that only men keep secrets. Women can be pros at deception just like men can. I’m just saying what’s important to me, and I am a woman.

It may not seem important until a real problem comes up, like the discovery of an affair, but I always recommend that a couple learn how to communicate openly and honestly as both a healthy and preventive measure. On the surface it may sound like it would be harmless to keep our individual privacy, but I worry about the expression, ‘what they don’t know won’t hurt them.’ Way too many children of cheating, alcoholic, or just plain dysfunctional parents mistakenly learned that it’s okay to keep things from bosses, neighbors, friends and even spouses, especially if they thought it would bring scorn. My view is that if you hope to stay with your partner long term, it is best to keep each other fully informed of our beliefs, expectations, daily activities, appreciations, likes, dislikes, and our true identity.

To avoid finding out that you are not really in a relationship with who you thought you were, here are some simple questions to ask BEFORE getting seriously involved with someone:

- What was and/or is your parent’s marriage like?
- How do you and your siblings get along now as adults?
- What’s the most important lesson you learned from your family?
- What things would you do the same/differently than your parents did?
- How do you feel about monogamy? Erotic material? Masturbation?
- Are any of your friends also a former lover? Do you flirt on Facebook?

More questions to ask will follow in further articles. Come back soon!

Sharon Shenker, Family Life Coach
Sharon founded Divorce Support Plus to help couples prevent family breakdowns by reconnecting lovingly (http://www.lovingtherightways.com) or to assist them through and beyond a separation or divorce (http://www.divorcesupportplus.ca). For further information, phone 514-804-3585 or email her directly at sharonshenker@gmail.com

How Well Do You Listen To Each Other?

2010-10-22T15:28:00.000-04:00

Does your partner do something than annoys you?

Have you been telling him/her for so long that it feels like you have been saying the same thing, over and over, forever? Are you at your wits end about it? Feeling fed up trying… maybe even feeling certain that they don’t care what you want because they ignore you?

We have all had times in our lives when we could not get through to our partner, no matter how hard we try. I have done and heard some of the same strategies everyone else uses.

You know:
- saying it more often (until we are just being a nag),
- saying it louder and louder (which eventually becomes yelling at them!),
- taking something away from them (punishing our adult mate like a child?),
- telling others (shaming/embarrassing them into finally pleasing you!?!),
- feeling such a lack of respect for them that you regret marrying them,
- losing all desire for them and no longer even wanting to be intimate with them,
- Finally deciding to go get some professional help, before getting a divorce!

Try to imagine this common thing that happens with almost every couple I have coached back from the brink of divorce. Did you ever notice that if you open the curtains on a sunny day, especially when you just dusted, you can see dust particles floating around in front of the window? Isn't it interesting that if you close the curtains you can't see them anymore. They're there. Then they're not there. Yet they are. It all depends on the way you look at the curtains. Opened or closed.

One of my favourite stories about getting through to someone is about a couple I worked with about ten years ago. When they came to me they were each feeling hopeless about their marriage.

One morning, the day after a private session with the wife I received a phone call from the husband. Before I could even ask how they were doing, he said to me, "Thank you so much."

"For what?" I said.

"Thank you for getting through to Susan yesterday. I've been trying to tell her to do that for so many years," he replied. I tried to play dumb so that Steve would believe his wife had finally ‘heard’ him, but it didn’t work. He kept saying, “I know it was you!” until I finally confessed. You might be wondering, “What happened?” so here it is. Although they enjoyed all kinds of outdoor activities like cycling, running, and camping, Steve wanted to see his wife looking feminine once in a while. And, no matter how many times he told her she did not make any changes. Naturally, he took it personally and they had spent the last three years in a sexless marriage... until that day!

What Steve was so excited about was what he saw in the morning. Susan had taken longer in the bathroom than usual while he prepared and served breakfast for their daughter, which had initially annoyed him. But, when she walked down the stairs wearing a skirt and high heels, wearing some makeup and sporting a new hairdo he couldn’t believe his eyes. Susan had spent the time on her curly hair, taming it into a sexy style. It was the first morning in years that he was excited for some private time with his wife!

He didn’t need to know (right away) that she changed into her running shoes as soon as she got into her car and switched to jeans when she got to work.

She even had a better day! So many co-workers commented on her hair and makeup looking so good that she continued to keep up the new look.

The next week Steve told me about some of the changes he planned to make. Some of them were changes Susan had been trying to get him to make for years as well, some were the things I had discussed with him, based on his past relationship patterns and family-of-origin baggage, too.

The thing is that they each needed clarity into their marital problems but were not seeing what the other was expressing. Why couldn't they see it? Why didn't they understand what each was saying for almost 13 years?

The answer for them, and possibly your relationship problems, are usually right in front of us. It's there for you right now. You just can't see it yet. Why not? Well, you might need a slight change of perspective for everything to become clear.
And that's my job. My job is to gently guide you to being able to see what's REALLY going on in your marriage. (I open the curtains!) And, once you see things clearly, it becomes obvious what you need to do - and it does not matter who first suggested or requested it.

Don't think that it's just your spouse that needs to see things differently. Your spouse might think you are Susan in the story above, but you are also Steve. Everyone is both Steve and Susan! In other words, I know you think your spouse doesn't get it. But your spouse also thinks YOU don't get it. So, who's right? You're both right! We can all stand to see ourselves and our marriage more clearly. And we all have changes we can make to improve our situation. It's a waste of time to dwell on your spouse's weaknesses, mistakes, or faults. The only relevant question for you is: What can YOU do to MAKE YOUR RELATIONSHIP/MARRIAGE BETTER?

We tend to get stuck in our ways and in the ways WE SEE THINGS.

Before anything can be different in your marriage, you have to be able to see the dust particles. It's probably just a slight change in perspective you need, but it can make an enormous difference in your marriage.

If you're open to seeing yourself and your marriage from a new perspective, consider coaching. You can come for face-to-face sessions, talk over the telephone, or even use skype with our computers. That’s right, you don't have to go anywhere if you don’t want to. I'm even available for full-day intensive "house calls" in your house or mine (in Montreal or surrounding areas only). For more information about the Divorce Prevention and Relationship Enhancement coaching I offer, call 514-804-3585 or go to: www.divorcesupportplus.ca or www.lovingtherightways.com

Sharon Shenker, Family Life Coach
After many years of working with children and their families, Sharon founded Divorce Support Plus to help couples prevent family breakdowns by reconnecting lovingly or to assist them through and beyond a separation or divorce. For further information, phone 514-804-3585 or email Sharon directly at sharonshenker@gmail.com

CANOE -- JAM! Television: Brinkley slams daughter’s critics

2010-10-18T19:52:00.000-04:00

Is there a New Breed of Mama Bear that we can call the Social Networking Mama?
It seems it from this article...
What do you think of a mother doing this?

CANOE -- JAM! Television: Brinkley slams daughter’s critics

Have the boundaries for mother's getting involved in their childrens' lives loosened so much? I know we can hear and see plenty of parents standing up for or knocking down their kids in the entertainment world, but would you honestly get a facebook account to do something like this for your child? Would your child feel that it was too intrusive of you?

I remember when I was growing up that I did not want my parents mixing in with my friends or peers. Yet, when one of my daughter's was not treated well by a boy, and he came to a party she had at our home, I actually told him that I was surprised to see him and informed him that I expected him to be well-behaved and polite all evening. The next day I was told that he was so intimidated and/or uncomfortable that he sat quietly on his own for a while and left early. Perhaps that would compare to saying something on my daughter's facebook page... I don't know. But, I was told (with a smile) not to do that to any of their friends anymore. (LOL)

If you didn't read the article I'm referring to, here's the link again:
CANOE -- JAM! Television: Brinkley slams daughter’s critics

So, how far would you go to defend one of your young?

Sharon Shenker, Family Life Coach
After many years of working with children and their families, Sharon founded Divorce Support Plus to help couples prevent family breakdowns by reconnecting lovingly (http://www.lovingtherightways.com) or to assist them through and beyond a separation or divorce (http://www.divorcesupportplus.ca). For further information, phone 514-804-3585 or email her directly at sharonshenker@gmail.com

Divorce Affects The Whole Family

2010-09-30T16:25:00.000-04:00

Whether a couple stays together or not, if they have children together, they have to work on getting along for the sake of those children! ~ Sharon Shenker

If you have kids and you don't think the words 'harmonious' and 'divorce' go together, it just might be time to hire a divorce coach who specializes in family reconstruction so that they can help you achieve a harmonious divorce.

If you find that you can't keep it harmonious, and your and your former partner are arguing with each other often, when alone or with the kids right there listening to their Mom and Dad fighting.... You are harming your kids!!

After all my years of working with children and their families I can't just sit still and let parents continue to mess up their kids so I put together the interactive workbook, "My Family Has Two Houses" and now I am extended the best offer I can think of.

PARENT SUPPORT as a FREE GIFT with ever purchase of the book!

UNTIL CHRISTMAS, any parent who purchases my book will receive a free 30 minutes of coaching (guidance, support, understanding) from me, Sharon Shenker, the founder of Divorce Support Plus, and author of "My Family Has Two Houses".

Because I would love to know that another two or three hundred kids have received some guidance, support and education from one of their parents as to how to deal with, cope with, adjust tom, and thrive despite their parents' split.

So... I am making this offer and hoping people take me up on it!

Seriously...

Purchase the book for only $8.95

at www.divorcesupportplus.ca

and receive my gift of 30 minutes FREE coaching,

with me directly, whether in person, on the phone or using skype...

just buy the book, and leave the information for me to contact you

FOR YOUR FREE 30 MINUTE SESSION on how to help your child thrive!

Sharon Shenker, Family Life Coach
http://www.divorcesupportplus.ca. For further information, phone 514-804-3585 or email her directly at sharonshenker@gmail.com

END the silence about Domestic Violence NOW

2010-09-13T17:18:00.000-04:00

I'm keeping my eyes and ears on what Dr Phil plans on doing this year as he claims to be taking a stand this year to END THE SILENCE TO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.

I hope you'll listen too and share some of your experiences.

Domestic violence does not usually begin with physical violence - please be aware, it normally starts with emotional control and put-downs, isolation, humiliation, etc., etc.

Are you a victim of abuse in a relationship? Was it a significant other? A parent? Sibling? Whether Dr Phil makes it a big issue for the year, I promise to.

Stay tuned for more discussions on the subject, and please, please, join in.

Author:
Sharon Shenker, Family Life Coach
After many years of working with children and their families, Sharon founded Divorce Support Plus to help couples prevent family breakdowns by reconnecting lovingly (http://www.lovingtherightways.com) or to assist them through and beyond a separation or divorce (http://www.divorcesupportplus.ca). For further information, phone 514-804-3585 or email her directly at sharonshenker@gmail.com

Italian Mama Picks Daughter-in-Law

2010-09-09T14:15:00.000-04:00

Rocco excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and that he is going to get married.

He says, 'Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess
which one I'm going to marry.'

The mother agrees.

The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while.

He then says, 'Okay, Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry?'

She immediately replies, 'The one on the right.'

That's amazing, Ma. You're right.

How did you know??????'

The Italian mother replied:

'I don't like her.'

And, so the fun begins for the family dynamic to adapt to a change created by one member, that affects everyone.

If you have a story about how you were included - or not - won`t you share it, please!

Sharon Shenker, Family Life Coach
After many years of working with children and their families, Sharon founded Divorce Support Plus to help couples prevent family breakdowns by reconnecting lovingly (http://www.lovingtherightways.com) or to assist them through and beyond a separation or divorce (http://www.divorcesupportplus.ca). For further information, phone 514-804-3585 or email her directly at sharonshenker@gmail.com

It`s Hard to Be Happy Sometimes

2010-09-05T19:42:00.000-04:00

I haven`t been well lately, so I don`t have much to say except that... no matter what life throws at us we have to keep striving to be happy. We have all heard that whatever our issues are, there is always someone worse off.

There`s an expression that goes something like: `smile and the world smiles with you, cry and you cry alone.` I get that it`s easier to have more friends around us if we keep up that `secret` positive attitude and behave cheerful and pleasant to be with all the time.... but I think it`s unfair to expect people to hide their true feelings and wallow in their own fears or pain. I think we should look deeper at our friends and loved ones. See more and hear more, sort of thing.

I recently saw a television clip of Michael Douglas dealing with his very recent discovery that he has stage 4 cancer - and he was smiling and hopeful. As a life coach I know that he has to be going through the stages of the grief process, so although he was on television, I feel pretty certain that he had also displayed a little depression, bargaining and anger, at home, in private. But, who am I to go against what the media is portraying...

If you are lucky enough to have good health - Yeah! and Lucky for YOU! But there are others who can use a little cheering up, maybe some help with a meal or tidying up, or even someone who will spare the time for them to cry to and then spend some nice time together... for a change in their day. So that they can leave whatever negative state they are in and get to that smile.

So, don`t forget to share your good fortune. Be happy with the good health you have, but help someone else be happy too, won`t you....

Written by:
Sharon Shenker, Family Life Coach
After many years of working with children and their families, Sharon founded Divorce Support Plus to help couples prevent family breakdowns by reconnecting lovingly (http://www.lovingtherightways.com) or to assist them through and beyond a separation or divorce (http://www.divorcesupportplus.ca). For further information, phone 514-804-3585 or email her directly at sharonshenker@gmail.com

Gmail - HAPPY :) - sharonshenker@gmail.com

2010-09-05T19:14:00.001-04:00

Gmail - HAPPY :) - sharonshenker@gmail.com

Sharon Shenker, Family Life Coach
After many years of working with children and their families, Sharon founded Divorce Support Plus to help couples prevent family breakdowns by reconnecting lovingly (http://www.lovingtherightways.com) or to assist them through and beyond a separation or divorce (http://www.divorcesupportplus.ca). For further information, phone 514-804-3585 or email her directly at sharonshenker@gmail.com

Gmail - HAPPY :) - sharonshenker@gmail.com

2010-09-05T19:14:00.000-04:00

Children Killed ByTheir Own Parent

2010-08-28T09:08:00.000-04:00

I gave up watching or listening to the news a few years ago, and stopped getting home delivery of the local Montreal newspaper because I had a difficult time with all the negativity going on in this world. Maybe it was due to the hours upon hours that I was glued to the television watching the CNN details about 9-11 and the tsunami... but I just didn't want to wake up every day to stories that kept the kleenex companies in business and me heartbroken.

The news I occasionally check out now is an internet channel (canoe.ca) and I can pick and chose which articles I read. Today, I decided to share one with whoever is reading my blog about loving the right ways.

Love... loving the right ways.... to me, that isn't just about intimate partners. It includes loving our children. Having said that, I do not understand how any parent can lose control over their own annoyance, anger, or rage so much that they can "kill" (yes, kill !!) their own child, but I have read about it way too often to stay quiet about it.

After raising two children all on my own, while running a home daycare center with six to ten more kids daily, I can proudly say that I only once tried to smack one of my kids. The incident is still a bit of a family joke although no one remembers what it was that got me to go beyond using my 'words' to grabbing a washcloth with the intent of smacking one of my daughters. I couldn't catch her. Instead, I ended up stubbing my toe on a chair and I was the one on the floor crying at the end of the ordeal, with my daughter consoling me. Although I never caught her, so I can't be positive, but I'm pretty certain I would not have done much harm to her with the dreaded washcloth.

Parenting, Stress and Anger Management Courses are available everywhere. If you know of someone who seems to need one of those courses or seems to be in need of mental health assistance, PLEASE, please report them to the local child protection service! No child should have to live in fear of their parent due to any form of abuse and certainly not die at the hands of one of them!!!

Caglary mom charged in 2004 baby death - Crime - Canoe.ca

Sharon Shenker, Family Life Coach
After many years of working with children and their families, Sharon founded Divorce Support Plus to help couples prevent family breakdowns by reconnecting lovingly (http://www.lovingtherightways.com) or to assist them through and beyond a separation or divorce (http://www.divorcesupportplus.ca). For further information, please phone 514-804-3585 or email her directly at sharonshenker@gmail.com

On Being Long-Distance LOVING Parents

2010-08-26T16:45:00.000-04:00

I have never worked with or met a parent who did not say that they loved their child... thank goodness!

Even parents who have or had not seen their kids in years, still spoke about that connection that is so special to parents. That bond that makes so many people say things like, "I would die for them" or "I wouldn't be able to live without them." Oh, I know, there are lots of parents of teens who sometimes wish they could cut that invisible cord and just set that teenager off on their own, out of their home, or off to their other parent... but, that love doesn't go away. It just gets covered up with anger, hurt, fear, embarrassment or some other negative feeling for a while. And, then it comes creeping back. Sometimes along with memories of how amazing it was to watch that child as a baby, when they were sleeping or doing some other miraculous thing babies do before they learn how to talk back.

With all that love parents feel for their children, I can't help but be seriously dismayed and disappointed with the behavior of some parents - mothers to fathers or fathers to mothers... after a divorce.

There are Moms and Dads all over the world who have not seen their kids in years!

Why is that? How can it be?

This is 2010, for goodness sake! Unless someone is living deep in the jungle, most people either have or can get access to a computer - and we have the availability of this free service called Skype, from www.skype.com with which long-distance parents can connect - verbally and visually - with their children any time.

My heart just cannot understand how any parent can claim to love their child on one hand, and on the other, refuse that child access to their other parent via skype.

My belief is : Whatever we feel about our former partner has nothing to do with whether or not the children we created with that person has the right to a relationship with both parents. It is their given right.

Just because we have not remained together does not, or should not, give any one parent the right or permission to block, prevent, or make it difficult for the children to see and speak with their other parent!

I'd love to hear from people who are presently or have experienced difficulty seeing or speaking with their children - in a comment here, or so that we can try to get that changed!!!

Sharon Shenker, Family Life Coach
After many years of working with children and their families, Sharon founded Divorce Support Plus to help couples prevent family breakdowns by reconnecting lovingly (http://www.lovingtherightways.com) or to assist them through and beyond a separation or divorce (http://www.divorcesupportplus.ca). For further information, phone 514-804-3585 or email her directly at sharonshenker@gmail.coms

Make Sure The Kiddies Are Sleeping Before .....

2010-08-17T15:05:00.000-04:00

Sharon Shenker, Family Life CoachAfter many years of working with children and their families, Sharon founded Divorce Support Plus to help couples prevent family breakdowns by reconnecting lovingly (http://www.lovingtherightways.com) or to assist them through and beyond a separation or divorce (http://www.divorcesupportplus.ca). For further information, phone 514-804-3585 or email her directly at sharonshenker@gmail.com

Have You Played Lately?

2010-08-10T22:01:00.000-04:00

Do you ever feel the pull of your child self wanting to come out to play?
If you haven't had that feeling or you have had it but have not given in to it for a long time, you and your relationship might very well be suffering because of it.

Getting in touch with this part of your self, can be done quite simply by engaging in some form of spontaneous play. Most people will experience a greater sense of vitality and joy. Some people say it helps you to experience a oneness with the world... but if you don't get to that point, you might just really connect and laugh with your partner.

Make some time for it today, or tomorrow, but this week for sure.

To connect with the child within you, you might need to think back to what it was like as a kid, to be truly free from worrying about what others think of you or all the things you have to do. Try to let your adult self go on a mini vacation and experience the joy of simply being. You may notice that your desires for pleasure become simple and pure, like a child's love of play with sand or clay. Whether your passion is to paint, dance or sing, just let yourself go with it.

Our child self is always there, intertwined with our adult self and all our other 'parts' but as adults many people think that it would be silly, foolish or down-right inappropriate to listen to the calling of our child-like nature. But, play in any form allows us to get in touch with our true selves that we were as kids, before life changed us. It is the part of ourselves that is free from judgment, criticism, or blame. So, don't listen to any negative thoughts you may get, like that it is a waste of time. Allow yourself some time for play!

When I feel life's pressures and responsibilities building up in me I like to connect with this part, this energy within myself that has an eagerness to explore, create, and fully luxuriate in pleasure and relaxation. It helps me to remember, or reconnect with an awareness of just how wonderful life is or can be... if I regularly remember to save time to play.

Try it - either on your own, with your partner, or one of your kids!
I'm sure you'll agree with me that playing brings you joy simply by bringing you closer to the magic that lies within you - your child within.

(This is not meant to diminish any hardships or difficulties you may have experienced as a child. This is simply an exercise you can partake in if you would like to try.)

Sharon Shenker, Family Life Coach
After many years of working with children and their families, Sharon founded Divorce Support Plus to help couples prevent family breakdowns by reconnecting lovingly (http://www.lovingtherightways.com) or to assist them through and beyond a separation or divorce (http://www.divorcesupportplus.ca). For further information, phone 514-804-3585 or email her directly at sharonshenker@gmail.com

Get That Loving Feeling Back

2010-08-07T11:54:00.000-04:00

The first five tips to getting that loving feeling back with your partner:

1. Return to your dating ways of saying 'please' and 'thank you' every chance you get - with a smile.

2. Make today a day of only nice words. Do not allow yourself to say any negative remarks, digs or criticisms.

3. Smile, smile, smile today! It will release serotonin that will make you feel so much better while reducing any tension between you and your partner.

4. Arrange your evening so that you have some relaxing time to spend together and work at giving your partner twice as much talking time as you take.

5. In a nice manner, that will be taken seriously, tell your partner that you enjoyed the time you had together today. (Even if you had some tough moments, focus only on the positive ones!)

That's it for today - more to come!!

If you want the full 28 Days to Make Your Relationship Sizzle Again calendar, become a follower and email me. I will then send it right out to you!

Have a loving day!

Sharon

What if your relationship went sexless?

2010-07-23T12:35:00.000-04:00

Whether a relationship begins with two people as high-school sweethearts, two adults who meet at work, through mutual friends, family members or even at their church or synagogue, there is no guarantee that the glorious stage of infatuation and/or lust, will last.

A lot of couples would be thrilled if just the fun of regular dates, the desire to impress each other by attentively listening to all the stories and regular signs of appreciation or even mild interest were still around, but they are still having sexual relations. Do you think it's because they still love each other and the couples that no longer have sex, no longer love each other? I don't. I know for a fact that a lot of people who have no love, lust, or even like for their partner will still have sex with them and stay in the relationship. And, a lot of couples who still love each other aren't having much sex, if any.

Quite often by the time a couple is together a few years, long enough for the infatuation stage to end, they are either living together, married and/or have a child... and, their sex life has fallen to the wayside due to work and family responsibilities, fatigue or brewing problems.

It isn't uncommon for both members of a couple to lose interest in sex because there just isn't enough energy left by the end of the day. Routine sex, rather than passionate nights, make it less exciting and no big a deal to do without. Snoring has the couple sleeping in separate bedrooms. Different bed time schedules make it impossible, or kids falling asleep in mom and dad's bed result in pajamas and separate sides of the bed.

There are lots of reasons that a couple can describe their relationship as "sexless." And, I have witnessed a lot of times in couple's coaching that prove the term to be very subjective. By that I mean that it can be explained as, "we haven't had sex in over a year, actually maybe two years", or "s/he only agreed to sex once a month if I practically begged for it before I got fed up and began looking elsewhere."

It isn't just men or women as gender specific, but specific men and women who can very clearly have different needs. Sometimes a couple might be in turmoil because one partner expects to have relations every day, or a few times a day, and the other is pleased to only be intimate once a month. They might even have discovered this when they were dating, other times after the children came along, but they may love each other and decide to stay together and work it out.

What if your sex life was/is not satisfying and you are not sure why?

A lovely couple came to see me a few years back, with both of them upset about how their relationship was and neither of them understanding why. It turned out that the wife had been raped years before they even met, by a man who had approached her from behind. And, sure enough, her husband often showed his affection to her with a hug from behind while she was cooking, doing her hair, brushing her teeth, etc. Although she had never told him about the rape because she thought she was over it, his surprise shows of affection had brought back the memory, and the fear.Once they talked it over, and he agreed to speak up before grabbing, their intimacy and passion returned.

I once worked with a sexless couple that was not partaking because she had gained about fifty pounds and was no longer attractive to her man... so he went to peep shows and watched online porn when she was not aware. The solution was easy. He seriously joined her weight loss efforts by going with her for daily walks, taking up tennis together, no longer bringing junk food home for easy meals, (he learned how to cook!) and taking over with the kids so she had time to go to the gym. Last I heard they were trying, quite regularly, for another child.

Would you stay in a sexless relationship? If you did would you actually abstain?

An older female client told me about a younger married man who kept contacting her online, trying to get her to agree to meeting for some fun on the side since his relationship was so bad that they weren't having relations and he felt attracted to her from a picture he saw of her full figure. With a little self-esteem and personal growth work, she chose to keep her self-respect and turned him away... and she wondered if his wife knew what he was up to.

So, what if you discovered that your partner, whom you adored, was having relations while he was out of town for work? Infidelity can happen in any relationship, obviously. The couple that comes to mind, came to me because the wife had recently found out that her husband had a girlfriend where he worked most of the year, in China. As communication opened up, things only got worse, as she found out that the weekly massages he had been getting for years because he was 'stressed and missed being touched' actually included manual stimulation, or, a hand-job... and dancing later! Which was how he met his pregnant girlfriend. They got divorced after he refused to change his lifestyle.

What do you expect in your relationship, and what would you put up with?

Sharon Shenker
Founder, Divorce Support Plus
http://www.divorcesupportplus.ca
http://www.lovingtherightways.com
Phone: 514.804.3585

Relationship Problems? Try a Relationship Coach!

2010-02-27T19:50:00.000-05:00

If you and your long-term partner are having relationship problems (not including physical abuse) don't wait until it's too late!

Carefully look over the following list that research states as proven symptoms of relationship deterioration that are associated with an increased probability of a breakup or divorce down the road, or at least an unhappy relationship:

1. Feeling Distant from each other
2. An Increase in Arguing or Negativity
3. A Lack of Affection (from smiles to sex)
4. Increased Anger, Hostility, or Sarcasm
5. Avoidance of Each Other on a regular basis
6. Trust Issues

If you're already experiencing one or more of the signs listed above, be sure to take action soon to improve your situation... instead of losing the relationship.

I'm a firm believer that most couples don’t actually need psychotherapy. The main problem is usually simply a lack of skills in the areas of communication, anger management, commitment, conflict resolution and/or intimacy and affection skills.

It may seem obvious when you read this, but so many couples make the mistake of doing nothing until their partner's unhappiness is just so obvious they can no longer ignore it. This is the common situation: a couple comes in for a session, not sure whether they are separating or willing to try to put effort into saving the relationship by changing it, when one of them already does not believe there is much hope. They may have even been expressing their unhappiness or anger for a long time, but the other partner didn't believe the relationship would really come to an and... and basically ignored all the warning signs, hints and threats, until now.

How can it be that so many couples have been having such a tough time that statistical rates are so high for separations and divorces? Quite simply, there were no courses in school on relationships years ago when the parents of today are divorcing. Whether within the family-of-origin, a friend's parents, or from watching television (yikes!) we only learned what we know by watching our role models. With that in mind, consider that not just your partner, but you also, may not know how to successfully resolve ongoing hurts/resentments, betrayals of trust, verbal abuse, and/or distance/lack of closeness in your relationship because you were never shown how.

But, the good news is that these skills can all be taught. Even if only one partner is motivated and the other is simply willing to give it a try, coaching can make a big difference! How does relationship coaching help?

Imagine a basic problem of not feeling cared for.
Here's a homework assignment that the couple might be given:

Sitting face to face, and touching any parts of your body (holding hands or just having the knees touch) take turns sharing something that you appreciate about each other. Do three rounds, once a day. It can be something basic like, "I appreciate how well you have taken care of the kids" to "I really liked the effort you put into my last birthday present." If anything like that is still too difficult, it can even be, "Thanks for supper."

Imagine how long it might take getting through talking about your childhood and parents before getting to the nitty-gritty of solving your problems if you went for the wrong therapeutic approach!?!

I'm a Grandma!!

2010-02-20T21:21:00.000-05:00

I just wanted to share my wonderful news with whoever reads this blog:

My grandson arrived today at 11:03a.m., weighing in at 7lbs. 12oz.

Of course we all think he's the most beautiful baby around...

His name is Nathan, and his mom and dad will recover!

Dating 25 women to chose a wife???

2010-02-18T11:57:00.000-05:00

I just had to share this article I found online. It is here as is from the author, but I wish I had written it myself! I would have had to adjust the age since I'm a wee bit older than her, but here it is:

ABC hits send the wrong message

By Logan Masters, Colmunist, lmasters@smu.edu

Published: Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Ah, ABC’s “The Bachelor.”

It is the talk of the female population at SMU as Dallas native Jake has narrowed his selection down to the final two women. In fact, both “The Bachelor” and “The Bachelorette” have always drawn a lot of attention since their premiers in 2002 and 2003, respectively.

The two shows draw a steady average of 10 million views per episode, making them two of the most watched shows in prime time.

Currently on the 14th “Bachelor season,” with five seasons of “The Bachelorette” completed, the shows have an astounding track record of one marriage. Despite their incapability to produce true love, the shows live on and continue to strangely captivate their hopeful viewers. But the one thing even more disturbing than their pathetic attempts at matchmaking is the shows’ shocking social agenda filled with racism, gender norm stagnation, and corrupted portrayals of relationships.

With a combined total of 19 seasons under their belts, neither “The Bachelor” nor “The Bachelorette” have featured a minority lead star. Nor have there ever been socially proportionate amounts of minorities featured as “contestants.” Not only does it appear that ABC does not promote interracial dating, it definitely seems to have a severe racial bias in casting.

Further, “The Bachelor” and “The Bachelorette” seem to perpetuate gender stereotypes in the workplace. For example, the men chosen always hold high-profile, high-earning occupations such as entrepreneurs, doctors, vice presidents/managers, athletes, global financers, etc. The women have equally stereotypical jobs: models, dance teachers, fitness this-or-thats, make-up artists, interior designers, etc.

Perhaps Anne Sweeney, president of the Disney-ABC Television Group, refuses to recognize or cast other equally successful women.

However, most shocking of all are the mixed signals presented to society both through the premise of the shows and the fascination of their viewers. Both series clearly support and eagerly endorse the juggling of multiple relationships simultaneously. I find this very odd.

Why are 10 million viewers (mostly women) so engrossed by this perverted reality? When has it ever been okay for a man to choose his wife by dating 25 attractive women concurrently? The simple act of watching the show must demand some form of acceptance of this type of behavior, which has extremely frightening social implications.

Obviously, our culture’s obsession with these shows sends mixed signals to the dating norms of society. Cheaters and “players” are scorned by society in every facet of social life except when it comes to our television, where they are praised. The cultural acceptance of “The Bachelor” and “The Bachelorette” definitely threatens our society’s respect and reverence towards monogamy. Clearly the situations are extremely different, but why is there so much controversy surrounding Tiger Woods when Jake has been dating even more women? It just seems contradictory.

Regardless, I am a female between 18 and 34, and therefore I am willing to subscribe to the uncomforting realities of the show--but with a sense of awareness.

Logan Masters is a junior sociology major. She can be reached for comment at lmasters@smu.edu.

Banter of the Day

2010-02-12T12:29:00.000-05:00

I didn't come up with these, but I thought they were worth sharing:

* Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
* There is a great need for a sarcasm font.
* How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
* I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
* I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
* Was learning cursive really necessary?
* I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
* Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
* I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
* You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
* Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection, again.
* I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Darnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
* As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
* I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

And if you didn't guess it yet, here comes the one that I think proves these were compiled by a man:

# I think that if, when I'm trying to have a kid, I find out that I'm sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college.

Come back soon, because I aim to work on a list that I think many women would write for the next blog. Talk to you soon!

Sad Sign of the Times

2010-01-22T15:06:00.000-05:00

I was at the store today, standing in line to pay for my few items when I noticed one of the women in line had dropped a glove. So, quite naturally to me, I got her attention and told her she had dropped it. The way she thanked me took me by such surprise because instead of just a "thank you" along with a polite smile or nod, she suggested that I go in line ahead of her. I was stunned and confused as to why I was being offered a sort of reward, but refused. "No, no, telling you about your glove doesn't change the order of the line. You go ahead," I said to her.

Giving someone a heads-up or helping hand with something I'm pretty sure is what I had been taught to do at a young age. I don't remember specifically being told to do this, but I know my mother is still that way. In fact, I was with her a couple of times this week, taking her to appointments, and she was polite and courteous of and towards others, as well.

The incident with the woman in the store didn't even end when I told her there was no reason for me to move ahead of her. One of the men who had been standing in line with us smiled at me in such a manner that it could have been mistaken as flirting, if I was a 'cougar', so once again, I don't know for sure, but I assume it was simply a look of pleasure at having witnessed a little politeness.

It's all so strange to me. Even the salesgirl who works at the counter of this little grocery store in my hi-rise apartment building saw me a bit later and had a big smile on her face for me, which was nice, but then she said, "you're always so nice to people." She seemed to be taken aback when I said, "sure, why not?" And I don't know what she was thinking, but she walked away looking as confused as I was.

It all made me feel like I had to share the story.

I raised my now adult daughters to be the same way. To treat other people with respect, civility, and compassion... and I have never understood why other parents do not seem to be doing the same. As an example: I sometimes take the metro and can never get over the way people trying to get out have such a hard time doing so because those who have been waiting on the platform for the metro car are pushing and shoving to get in. I don't know if they're afraid the doors will close before they have entered or what it is, but it always makes me want to scream, "Let people off first!"

Oh, dear, what a sad sign of the times it is when so many people do not care to show a little kindness. I can't help but wonder what they are like at home...

How Many Times Will It Take?

2010-01-20T03:41:00.000-05:00

Once again a family is having to go through the pain and torment of a divorce. I was chatting with a man, through emails, who wanted to keep his family together and liked the services I provide so he wanted his wife to come for a couple of session to see if I could help them save their relationship by changing it, but his wife said no. She was not interested in relationship coaching, she wants a divorce.

I was really glad they decided to go for the six free mediation sessions offered here in Quebec. In fact, I know of the mediator they are planning to work with. He he has a good reputation and I think a good track record for being able to help his clients through the process without anyone giving up and going for the court battle.

They have four kids between them. Two older ones from her first marriage, and five year old twins together. I don't know the details, but I was thinking about them tonight and wondering if the older ones will get to still spend time with this man, and their younger siblings. I hope the mediator will be able to help them come to a healthy agreement about visitation for them all to be continue as a family unit. Wouldn't it be sad if the twins rarely see their older siblings?

And, what happens if she meets a new guy, and marries again? Will there be another man for these four kids to call 'Dad'? A third one for the older kids, and a second for the younger ones, and I wonder how many kids he will have. So many children live with revolving parents nowadays... and it's so difficult for them. I once worked with a young girl who did not understand who some of the people were to her. She had even been told that her father's new girlfriend was her friend because the father did not want his soon-to-be-ex to know he already had a girlfriend. She was so confused, and I was disappointed that the father refused to tell the truth, allowing his daughter to believe and live a lie he created.

Sometimes I just want to scream out, "No relationship is perfect! No person is perfect! Human beings have faults but we have to work at keeping that loving connection when we have said "I do" and had kids!" I have had so many clients come to me on the verge of divorce and when I ask either the husband or wife, "when was the last time you went out together, alone, just the two of you to had fun?" Honestly, each time, the answer is a silent shrug of the shoulders, a look of confusion, possibly a look at each other, and then simply, "I don't remember. I guess a long time ago." Some even add, "maybe before the kids." I don't understand how anyone can think the fun, passion, and connection between them can last with not effort to keep the fire going in the relationship.

I'll stop going on about this now and just end with a suggestion for those of you who are in a relationship now. If you want to feel that spark again so that you don't feel stuck in a boring or loveless relationship, use the calendar on my site. It's called, "28 Days To Make Your Relationship Sizzle Again!" As you follow the daily instructions, I'm sure your relationship will begin to once again be full of joy and passion in time for Valentine's Day, and ... your children won't have to wonder how many times you're going to fall in love and then leave that person. They won't have to ask themselves or You, "How many times will it take... for you to understand that you have to do the work to keep the relationship loving and strong enough to hold the family together in one house?"

LovingTheRightWays.com at OneTrueMedia.com

2010-01-07T22:22:00.001-05:00

Make photo slide shows at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Happy Grandparents Day!

2009-12-07T20:29:00.001-05:00

"Something to look forward to...."

This Grandparents Day, we wanted to know what you think is the best part of being a grandparent. Here's what you told us.

View >>

Getting The Relationship You Want

2009-11-22T19:51:00.000-05:00

I was visiting with my mother and a couple of her friends yesterday – each between 85 and 91 years young. The friends are a sister and brother who live in the same senior’s residence as Mom and I really enjoy talking with them.

At one point in the evening, the sister started talking with me about relationships and she told me about her two husbands. “The first”, she said, “was fun but really not a good husband” and someone she should never have married, as her brother smiled and nodded. “And the second one insisted upon me learning how to play golf,” she chuckled. As it turned out, she liked it even more than he did and she kept leaving him at home alone to play with other people.

She’s a lively woman with a quick smile. It is evident that she not only used to, but still puts time and energy into herself and enjoying her life. Not two minutes after telling me about her husbands she told me about her daughter, who at sixty-two years old says she is hoping for a relationship but "only goes to her job as a teacher and back home every night.” She seemed rather unimpressed with her daughter’s lifestyle. She said, "no man will ever find her that way!" At that point I chuckled and said something about 'not just any man, he has to be the right man for her so that their relationship as best friends can be the solid foundation for their relationship.'

I mentioned the time a former client told me that she had more than enough girlfriends; she did not need her husband to become a friend. She had been quite adamant that a husband is totally different from a friend. Suddenly, the only man in the room with us at the time very proudly said that his late wife of forty-plus years had been his best friend. The conversation then switched to the idea of needing to know yourself, your likes and interests, and then going out to meet a partner who has similar interests.

We chatted about how many people don’t realize that being single is the golden opportunity for each of us to prepare for the life and the relationship that we want. It reminded me of a book one of my sisters once gave me that was called, “Men are Just Dessert” which was about women needing to enjoy their single and being OK if they never find him because they are a happy single. So, I asked my wise friend if perhaps her daughter was like that, happy with her life as it is. Unfortunately, she believes that her daughter has given up on finding a man, or that there are no good ones left.

Conversation got a little confusing at that point, so I jumped at the opportunity to ask her if her daughter knows what she actually wants – to do, to be, to have - with regards to all different aspects of her life including a relationship. I have always believed that if we don’t know what we want we have no direction and who knows what will come to us. A few months ago I even became a Certified Vision Board Counselor which is a fun and enlightening way to help people look ahead to the future and envision themselves.

Vision Boards can be used for each separate aspect of your life – but let’s work on a relationship for now.

1. Get hold of a bunch of magazines, pen and paper to write on.
2. Make a list of all the characteristics you would like your significant other to have.
3. Imagine, or vision, how this man and you would spend your time together.
4. Cut out pictures from the magazines that depict some of these activities.
5. Do you want to travel? Do you play golf or want to learn? Has it been years since you went dancing and you wish you could go again? List all these things.
5. If you have always wanted to spend weekends in the country, taking leisurely hand holding strolls, find a picture that symbolizes that to you. Perhaps the magazine has a picture of a house you love and another magazine shows a couple holding hands – cut them all out. If the pictures have room for faces, put a small picture of yourself and a man that you consider good-looking in place of the models.

Next, you can put the pictures for your vision board in place on a board.
That’s the simple part. In the next article we’ll discuss some of the steps that have to be taken to make any of what is on your board actually come to you, like in The Secret or Manifesting Your Destiny.

Ban of Divorce or Add Stipulations?

2009-10-24T15:23:00.000-04:00

Imagine a new law banning divorce? How many divorced couples do you know that would be affected by such a ban? Is it really possible to force people to stay together? Well, it just might be law in the future, in California anyways.

An article recently posted in the Los Angeles Times says that, "California Secretary of State Debra Bowen... authorized the backer of an initiative that would ban divorce to begin getting signatures to put the proposed constitutional amendment before voters."

Wow! I have believed for many years that the majority of divorced did not actually have to take place IF ONLY the couple had received appropriate help in enriching their relationship.

Most of the couples that I have worked with, over the past ten years, have been arguing about the same issues and hurts for years - but, if we as a society became more proactive and preventive, rather than interventionists who wait for problems to become extreme or extremely damaging, my belief is that at least 75% of marriages would be dramatically improved and thereby saved.

When couples who have been together for forty plus years are asked how they have managed that almost miraculous feat according to today's divorce statistics, not a single one of them, to my knowledge, has ever said that they never had an argument or fight. In fact, most admit (or try to teach!) that they not only experienced problems and disagreements, but had bad years.

So, would a ban on divorces with an added clause that says, 'WITHOUT spending a minimum of four to six months working with a relationship coach' prevent divorces? You bet! But, just putting a ban on divorces without that clarification or stipulation does not make any sense to me as the solution to the problem. Because the problem is not just that one partner no longer feels in love with the other and wants a divorce - 'why' the relationship is so unfulfilling and unhappy is what needs to be dealt with and changed to a desire by both partners to want to stay together - differently, happily, cohesively, respectfully, and maturely IF THEY HAVE CHILDREN TOGETHER!

That's my opinion. Please feel free to comment on mine and/or post your own view.

Posted by Loving the Right Ways in response to the following article.
Friday, October 23, 2009

Ban divorce? Ballot effort gets OK to gather signatures
Posted using ShareThis

2009-10-15T16:41:00.000-04:00

Sharon's Voice Blog

If You're getting Divorced... hire a family & relationship coach to help you work on your emotional divorce so that...

2009-08-13T01:04:00.000-04:00

Harmonious Divorce

.... words that many people think are impossible to go together! If you want to know how to create a life of peace after divorce....

Tune in to Claudine Struck's online radio show "Stay Sane Now" on Voice America beginning Thursday, August 13, 2009 at 1pm EST, and you can listen to the following three expert opinions.

Just go to www.voiceamerica.com and click for the Stay Sane Now show to listen as:

Belinda Rachman, Esq. will discuss what it means to have a Peaceful Divorce. Whether its how couples can save the most money when divorcing or the effects of divorce on children and how to minimize the trauma of divorce on the kids…she’s the expert.

Sharon Shenker, of Divorce Support Plus, will share her views on how important it is for each parent to do their own healing, adjustment and acceptance work for them to be able to create a harmonious rather than conflictual and angry divorce. She'll also give a checklist you can use to see if you are closer to surviving or thriving, and aides for school-aged children.

Jeanie Rule, of Solo Mama, will talk about positive communication with your ex after a divorce. Most divorced couples don't realize that they have to change the way they relate and speak to each other, especially when there are children involved. Learning new communication skills keeps fighting to a minimum, reduce the odds of ending up back in court and definitely help individuals stay sane.

You can contact Sharon Shenker for more information about the subject and coaching with her at 514-804-3585, sharonshenker@gmail.com, http://www.divorcesupportplus.ca or

Does It Take a Village to Raise a Child?

2009-04-10T12:49:00.000-04:00

I have often used the phrase "it takes a village to raise a child" when I'm trying to get people to understand that we can (and/or should) all hold ourselves responsible to help people who are clearly, and often reasonably, having difficulty raising a child - like single mothers. Having been one myself, with two children to raise and very little assistance from their father the first few years, then none, I know how difficult it can be to have nowhere to turn for nonjudgmental help.

Our "village" is what I refer to as our planet that is ever growing smaller thanks to the internet. Just last night when I was visiting with family, relatives in Israel called in using MSN and everyone was looking at them and talking to them like they were in the next room. Well, that's with the exception of my sister-in-law to whom we kept having to say, "you don't have to yell for them to hear you." After the call, conversation went to the internet and how it's making the world seem so small. My brother told us a story about some people who had to make plans with others from all over the world, and after just a few short minutes they had all spoken and settled their plans for something that once upon a time would have taken so long. Nowadays, we are all connected, like next door neighbours, even though we are from all over the world.

So, I've made my point about our "village" being small. Now let me share something with you that I saw in an online magazine that I liked right away. Here's what Jill Crossland wrote in her TimeFinders Magazine about the same phrase that I use.

She wrote: "They say "It takes a village to raise a child". I would look at that statement from a different perspective. It is when the women of the village are strong and self-sustaining, that the children can become productive adults. It is through the women that the children get the necessary education, health programs and nurturing. The village itself is also no longer at risk of disintegrating.

Mohammed Yunus, founder of Grameen Bank, when explaining why 94 percent of Grameen Bank's micro-financing loans go to women, said, "Women have plans for themselves, for their children, about their home, the meals. They have a vision. A man wants to enjoy himself." Availability of finance to women ensures that resources and profits generated are ploughed back into the development of the immediate household and family. Protection of family values, of health and safety of household members, of a more even distribution of income, can be seen as a result.

Other micro-financing organizations such as the Women's World Bank operate from that same premise. This month as we celebrate International Women's Day, reach out to one woman; whether in a shelter in Toronto or a one room home in Bangladesh. With your support she can raise her family and community to unprecedented levels."

I love the sentiment of reaching out and helping others! Wouldn't it be great if every one, man or woman, decided to do something today to help someone else, even a total stranger, anyone... just lend a hand!

Please do something, and if you still feel charitable when you're done, go to my home page and download the "My Family Has Two Houses" workbook for school-aged children and print out a copy for a single parent to do with his or her child.

Let's start connecting and working together like a village does, not just on facebook where so many people seem to be on a crusade to have the highest number of friends, but in real life... Please reach out and help take care of this community... so that it, and all of us, can thrive!

And come back to post a comment here to share what you chose to do!!!

2009-04-09T11:52:00.000-04:00

Children of Divorce, Are Not, NOT Okay

As if the unreasonably high legal costs associated with divorce nowadays wasn't enough, the emotional toll is often so difficult to deal with that adults seek professional help to get them through the life change.... but, I have to ask: who's helping the children?

Most of us have seen Gary Neuman on the Oprah show and heard about his wonderful Sandcastle's program. Many people also know of Rosalind Sedacca's great create-a-storybook that helps parents tell their kids about divorce and now, after twenty years of working in the trenches with children and families, another book for children of divorce is available. It's called, My Family Has Two Houses.

Actually, it's a workbook, with 50 plus pages of exercises for school-aged children to work on - by themselves or with an adult. The goal of this workbook depends on the situation of the child. It can be used to assist communication between the child and an adult (parent/counselor/group facilitator) so that they receive at least some of the necessary healing, coping and comprehension needed to be well-adjusted, despite their parents splitting up. The sad truth is that too many children are being left to figure things out for themselves, with their limited perception and awareness.

One of the reasons for the creation of this book is the law that stipulates both parents must agree to a child receiving mental health services... but anyone can buy a book to give a child! No more children needing help and one of the parents having to just sit and wait until a crisis occurs!

And, if discussion of what the child fills in on the pages show that s/he is indeed in need of professional help, the contents of the book can easily be shared with one's lawyer, school counselor or social worker, in an attempt to provide the hurting child with expertise on a proactive basis right away - prevention now, rather than serious intervention later!

As the saying goes, "It takes a village to raise a child," so I ask you to please help me to help the children by going to the Divorce Support Plus website at http://www.divorcesupportplus.ca and simply download to your computer a pdf format copy of this workbook and print the grayscale version out for every child of divorce in your part of this big village we live in.

Thanks for helping today's children... because we need them to be the well-adjust tomorrow's adults that will care about us!

Loving me the right way means....

2009-04-08T10:20:00.000-04:00

As a Family & Relationship Coach for almost ten years now... and as a woman, mother, daughter, sister, friend, ex-wife, ex-girlfriend, and who knows what else... I know that "loving" someone has many meanings and variations. Like, thank goodness, we love our brothers differently than we love a boyfriend or husband because, otherwise, that would be referred to as incest!

But, it's interesting, don't you think... how falling in love with someone is so easy, yet keeping the love going strong on a daily basis in a long-term relationship, whether that means your marriage, parent-child, or even your sister-sister relationship, is not so easy!

Families and friendships vary a great deal, but I usually see that people have an almost instinctual acceptance of differences when it comes to their friends, work a little harder at understanding and accepting their siblings (at least when they grow up!), but in a relationship the rules of acceptance seem to fly out the window. So many people act as if their partner is supposed to be their double - or else! Or else what? It's proof that they don't really love you if they have a different hobby, or worse, don't have any interest at all in yours!

Loving relationships are so much more complex than work-related ones. Yet, even work relationships can have so much strife, rivalry and anger. Imagine having to work every day with someone you just can't get... they rub you wrong... but there they are every day. In your face, almost like a lover who you no longer feel such great love for!

So how do we get to the point of acceptance with these people?

Well, it requires great effort, and self-awareness more than judgment or other-awareness! Whatever your relationships are at this time in your life, I'm willing to bet that a little help with some personality-based living hints would come in handy.

Personality-based living?

Yes. Imagine filling out a multiple choice form and receiving a hand-out that helps you to finally 'get' why you both think and behave the way you do... and why it annoys you!

The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, or MBTI, does just that. It not only identifies common areas of difference that can cause mis-communications and conflict, it provides a non-judgmental, neutral language for discussing misunderstandings and irritations, so that we can begin creating a gentler flow in the relationship as well as a new language for discussing these differences.

More harmony and a better understanding of each other is what we all want in our relationships, isn't it? So, what are you waiting for? Have you filled out the MBTI questionnaire to get the inside scoop on yourself and your relationships?

Couples, individuals, families, work teams, ...anyone can make constructive use of their differences with the help of an MBTI analysis.

Let me know if you're interested. And, if you had it done, let me know what you thought of it - did it help your relationships? If you're interested in looking it up online before calling for your own private analysis and want to know a little about me at the same time, look up my score - ENFJ. Of course, your own analysis will give more detailed information than what you'll see online but it's a good way to start.